Emily Howard, Writer

I love my church (current and past). And by church, I don’t mean the building, I mean the people. I feel a deep connection and love for those that I’ve worshipped with, served with, prayed with, and cried with over the years. Even if I didn’t feel that connection I would still love my church because that is what we are called to do. Even in difficult times. We love people—a conscious, intentional love—even when they are being difficult. We support each other. And we don’t give up on each other.

Having attended, served, and been on staff in churches for a large portion of my life, I have a unique perspective and I felt led to offer some observations and advice for any church that is struggling.

From Scripture, we can discern the purposes of the church: to worship God (Luke 4:8; John 4:23; Rev. 4:10), study His Word (2 Tim. 2:15; 1 Cor. 4:6), pray (Acts 2:42), love one another (John 13:35; Phil. 1:1-4), help each other (Gal. 6:2), celebrate baptism and the Lord’s supper (Luke 22:19-20), learn how to live as godly people (Titus 2:11-12), and to be equipped to evangelize the world (Eph. 4:12; Matt. 28:18-20). All of this is part of one overarching goal: to make disciples of Jesus Christ. To learn all we can about Him so we can be like Him. I think it is important to focus more on what we should be doing than what we think people should not be doing. Positivity, not negativity. Forward, not backward. And on a related note, nowhere in Scripture does it mention what God’s preferences are on music or worship styles, furniture, carpet color, or whether we call it a lobby or a narthex.

Here are a few of my insights:

1. Change is OK. In fact, it is inevitable. I know we all love the church the way it is, or the way it was when we grew up. But we grew up. And so will our children and grandchildren. And if we want our children and grandchildren to still come to church to experience prayer, fellowship, scripture, worship, and equipping, we have got to focus on the next generation. This may include things we don’t personally care for. I cannot stress this enough: it doesn’t matter what you personally care for. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but the Lord didn’t call us to be comfortable. He called us to be faithful.
2. Tradition is also OK. Now I’m going to backtrack a bit. Yes, change is inevitable, but that does not mean we have to throw the Apostle’s Creed out the window. Although I have recited that creed since I could talk, I only recently began to really pay attention to the words and what I was saying. And it is a beautiful, concise way for us to express our faith as a group. Where the trouble starts is when we recite it week to week to week like robots, not feeling the words, or when we get angry about not doing it. The things we do each week have to be done from the heart, with joy and faith and passion, and with intentionality to become more like Jesus.
3. More and bigger is not always better. Our goal should always be to reach those outside the church. But that does not necessarily mean that every church has to be a big church. What my heart longs for is a sweet, sincere, simple, Jesus-loving, people-loving church. Let’s focus on simple. It does no one any good when those who serve are running around burnt out and exhausted doing various events, ministries, fundraisers, dinners, etc., etc., etc. Which is what we were doing the whole time I was on church staff. We were busy, but not many people were growing in their faith or taking steps in discipleship. No one was being baptized. People may be upset if longtime events or ministries get cancelled, but sometimes it is the right move. The church needs to reboot, to get back to the basics.
4. You can trust your staff and leaders. The church is a unique animal as far as the dynamic between leadership, staff, and volunteers. There are so many different personalities with so many strong beliefs on how things should be run. I have attended many, many, MANY church staff meetings and they involved prayer and dreaming and frustration and counseling and planning and laughter and tears and painful yearning for what we felt Jesus was calling the church to be. Until you work at a church and pour your life into it you cannot be a Monday morning quarterback or a backseat driver to ministry. Help them. Support them. Make an effort to understand their vision. Ministry is at the same time the most fulfilling and soul-sucking job I have ever experienced. And no matter how good your leaders are, a good leader needs a good follower. In fact, it doesn’t matter how good the leader is if there are no followers. There may be times when parishioners are uncomfortable with new changes in worship, ministry, or vision, but at some point there needs to be a step of faith, trust, and willingness to allow the pastor and the leadership of the church to actually lead the church in a future direction. The church will only continue to spin in frustrating circles if we don’t trust our leadership and work together for the kingdom.
5. It is never OK to hurt a brother or sister over a church issue. You would think this was self-explanatory, but I feel like I need to explain anyway. Even if you disagree about something, it is NEVER OK to hurt someone because of an issue you have with the church. No matter how important you think your issue is, in the long run it is probably not. That is true of most anything. Maybe you don’t think your actions (or lack of them) hurt anyone. But whether or not you are committing physical harm–gossip, slander, and backroom dealings are very, very hurtful. Often irreversibly so. None of this is helping further the kingdom of God. If you have an issue, may I offer some suggestions on how to handle it?
   1. Pray about it. More than once. Sincerely. On your knees.
   2. After much prayer, go to the person you have an issue with and explain what is going on. Gently, and with love. Have a dialogue, learn from each other, and come to a compromise. If you feel you cannot do this and are still unhappy…
   3. Pray about it.
   4. Repeat steps 1-3.
6. We must go deeper. We have got to go beyond Sunday mornings. Get to know your people outside of church. Invite them to lunch. Start a Bible study in your home. Go deeper in relationship outside of the sanctuary. Find a mission you are both passionate about and work at it together. Magic will happen and you will discover what church was truly meant to be. Trust me on this.

I see the trend of churches declining and dying nationwide and it saddens me. It is a real problem that we cannot continue to ignore. But there is hope. We can still show the world the amazing, life-changing gospel of Jesus Christ. But just like everything else in God’s kingdom, it has got to start and end with LOVE and GRACE.

Blessings, Emily

Also, I would like to suggest the following books for a fresh perspective on God’s Kingdom:

Discipleshift–Putman & Harrington

Seven; Interrupted; & For the Love–Jen Hatmaker

Not a Fan–Kyle Idleman

Who Stole My Church?—Gordon McDonald

Doxology & Theology—Matt Boswell

Simple Church; I Am a Church Member; Autopsy of a Dying Church; & I Will: Nine Traits of the Outwardly Focused Christian—Thom Rainer