Emily Howard, Writer

Beliefs don’t shift in an instant. I have researched and agonized, bouncing between hope and despair for eight years. I have avoided these issues because the reality of what is happening hurt too much. But there comes a point when things have gone too far to ignore or be silent, and I have reached that point.

I could be vague with this, but it’s beyond that point as well. For years I have struggled with the subject of the (big C) church’s attitude toward the LGBTQ community. As soon as I started really paying attention and not just being a part of church at the surface level, something just seemed wrong. I was able to mostly ignore it for a long time (mostly because it didn’t directly affect me), but eventually I decided to go to seminary because of this and other issues I felt were causing harm. I wanted to learn as much as I could so I could affect change and be a part of the solution.

This has been a journey full of confusion, anxiety, heartache, fear, and crying out to God for help. But now that the United Methodist Church (which I have been a part of literally since the day that I was born) is splitting apart at an alarming pace, I need to say some things. If you are reading this, please keep in mind that my purpose here is not to express anger or shame anyone for their beliefs. My purpose is for anyone who is struggling with these same issues to know they are not alone. Because for the past few years I have felt very, very alone.

I will try to summarize as briefly as I can how I reached the conclusion that gay marriage and ordination can and should be celebrated instead of condemned. I can’t go into the details of biblical interpretation and hermeneutics in this post, but I will perhaps do a series on this later. Thoughtful and well-meaning Christians, using a very select handful of verses, have taught that Scripture points to a theology of marriage that involves one man and one woman. This is complicated by the fact that everyone brings their own interpretive lens to the Bible, no matter how hard they try not to. We read with 21st century Western eyes. When we support women’s equality in the church, we trust one interpretive lens over another. Both sides are sincere Christians and both view the Bible as authoritative––they just differ on how the Bible, which was written in a patriarchal context in the 1st century, should apply to empowered women in the 21st century. The same concept applies to gay marriage. There was no concept of sexual orientation or consensual and faithful same sex marriage back then. It didn’t exist, like microwaves and the printing press didn’t exist. We are using a book to dictate rules about something that simply did not exist at the time.

Since we interpret in community, we ultimately choose to trust one group of leaders over another. There’s safety in numbers, right? And the truth is, most of us stay at the same church (or same brand of church, if you will) for most of our lives, so we are exposed to only that interpretive point of view. And many people who have a different point of view are afraid to voice it. Churches, please hear this: when you are so sure and adamant about your interpretations you make people afraid to voice their free speech, to bring their full selves to the table. You make people afraid to be a part of your community. Unfortunately this is nothing new.

Christians have a long history of using Scripture to harm people, even while having the best of intentions and fully believing they are in the right. We can, and have, used the Bible to endorse slavery and segregation, to forbid mixed race couples to marry, deny communion to those who have been divorced, and forbid women to preach and lead churches. You can find verses to support every one of these ideas that, I hope, we now find unacceptable (including God-ordained genocide, by the way). This is the same thing churches that are disaffiliating from the UMC are now doing to those in the LGBTQ community.

Our faith communities make decisions about LGBTQ people while excluding them from the community of interpretation.  Many Christian leaders have scrutinized the people they could’ve learned from all along, anxiously creating new arguments that kept sexual minorities from pursuing calls to ministry or building a home with someone they loved. There is no reason two gay or lesbian Christians could not live into the kind of marriage we’ve been taught about all along: one that’s about sacrifice, sanctification, companionship, and reflecting God’s faithful commitment to the church.

Good theology should result in good fruit. Scripture says that we as followers of Christ will be known by our good fruit. If our theology is producing depression, hopelessness, self-loathing and suicide (which it is), maybe it’s time to admit that our theology is wrong. The fact is, when LGBTQ people are connected to non-affirming faith communities and families (or shunned from them) they are typically very broken, desperate, and hopeless. But when they are part of affirming faith communities they typically are living much healthier lives. The evidence is convicting.

The church is at a crossroads. It is a time of reformation and upheaval. We have the chance here to be a refuge for people who are being shut out elsewhere. To truly welcome the stranger into the full and abundant life of our faith community, with no caveats or restrictions. It’s what I desperately pray for every day.